I can't wait for 2010. I tend to complain a lot about 2009 but I guess it wasn't that bad. I do, however, have a couple of hangups that I want to get rid of before the clock strikes twelve. Does anyone else out there feel the same?

My friend Tim didn't believe in New Years Resolutions. He said resolutions should be made in general. I totally agree, but New Years is a good point as any to start. I had Halloween Resolutions, but I forgot what they were. Then I had a Christmas Resolution to not spend all my Christmas money before New Years. So far, I'm successful. But just barely. I hope your resolutions go well in 2010! I'm shooting to gain some weight by working out. I might buy a longboard and a surf rack for my bike so I can get that ripped bod I always wanted.

2010 is the Year of the Tiger, bitches! So a shout out to all my Tiger people. I know Chinese New Years isn't for another month but why not? I'm just happy to have lived this long. I had a couple of friends die this year, so that really makes me appreciate my life. Plus I'm in Hawaii! One of the most beautiful places in the world! There's no need to get all gloomy when I have sun and surf.

Well. I just want to wish everyone the best this year. Be safe but have fun!

~Julius

Ugly Betty's Abortion

Last night's episode of Ugly Betty had Hilda and Betty in pregnancy scares, which left me to wonder, would Betty Suarez ever get the Big A? I think she would. But ABC would never have the balls to send Betty to Planned Parenthood. It's just not funny. Which leads me to this post's thesis: lots of laughs can come from pregnancy, not so much from abortion.

With movies like Knocked Up and Juno, Americans have become used to accidental baby shenanigans but early termination, on the other hand, just doesn't crack us up. So Betty's producers impregnated Hilda instead. They've already dumped dimply Archie and replaced him with baby-daddy DILF Bobby, so you know that embryo ain't getting the vacuum hose anytime soon.

Personally, I am pro-choice. And pro-funny. South Park is probably the only series that will go there (i.e. Christopher Reeves sucking the spinal fluid out of aborted fetuses for their stem cells), but as long as mainstream America keeps a scarlet letter on the topic, women's rights will always come second to social norms.

Christmas Shoes

Patton Oswalt - Christmas Shoes - watch more funny videos

I just had to post this.

Hey, Tiger. Shut up!

I really don't understand this whole Tiger Woods situation. There was a car crash and then a mistress and then the wifey is making statements. Am I the only person in the world who doesn't really care? I mean, this story is second in the headlines only to the president's speech about the war in Afganistan. If even.

Maybe if Tiger played a game that actually had defense he'd be able to escape the media blitz. The damn fool's making apologies left and right, telling everyone he let his family down and didn't live up to his values. CNN is gonna eat that shit up, dude! Hey, Tiger. Shut the fuck up. Who do you think you are, Gov. Sanford of South Carolina?

Reportedly, Levi Johnston got paid over $100,000 for his spread in Playgirl...and he didn't even go full pickle! What a wimp. I wanted to see his retarded baby maker.