I'm a master of library and information science!

Though I didn't walk, I'm finished with graduate school and now hold an MLIS (technically, Pratt's degree is an MSLIS, but that's too many letters, if you ask me). This new degree prompted me to update this blog. It's been two years since my last post, my readers. I've created many a Wordpress and Tumblr account in that time, but here I am again on blogger/blogspot, perhaps as a testament to Google's permanence. I don't think I will try to be professional with "Julius From Scratch," so expect continued gay and Filipino jokes from here on.

Is there something in the corner of my mouth?

Shameless Plug

I started a second blog, and I know what you're thinking. "But Julius, you barely update this blog!" I figure blogs are like T-shirts nowadays. You're allowed to switch it up if you want. You're even allowed to discard them, if need be.

This new blog is dedicated to comedy because everyone could use some laughter in the world. I'm currently working on some stand-up material so my blogs will be joke-oriented with anecdotes here and there.

www.whatsthatonyourshirt.blogspot.com

I Spy

I'm auditioning for a short film called "I Spy " at UH this Sunday for the part of a young, Asian security guard turned spy. Does anyone out there want to help me rehearse my sides? That's showbiz lingo for exceprts from a script. How does one dress for as a security guard? I'm guessing blue shirt, black tie and slacks. That's kind of cliche, but it's all I got.

In an effort to get more active, I recently bought a Frisbee from Sports Authority but I found that I have a lack of friends to toss the ole disc with. I think I'll just stand on a balcony somewhere and throw the frickin' thing and see who it hits. That person will become my new Frisbee friend...or lawsuit.

My mom and sister recently told me that I'm developing a gut. What the hell? I guess when I wished to gain weight I should have been more specific. If you've ever met me, you'll know that I am a really skinny guy. But it is possible, through alcohol and fatty foods, for a skinny guy to develop a belly. There's nothing more unattractive than a bloated twink. I'd look like that green alien in Star Wars Episode One. You know, the one that has an Arabic accent and makes young Anakin race for his freedom. Yeck.

I might just go back to Sports Authority and buy me one of those ab wheels, the ones that role on the floor and make you feel like slinky. A very painful slinky. Since I froze my gym membership for the time being, I think it'd be best to get get my workout elsewhere. My next investment is for a longboard and surfrack for my bicycle. Again, I just need to find surf buddies.

I Am Absoutely Loving This

Everyone is talking about it and now everyone is watching our favorite Late Night Stars to see whether or not their almighty producers finally finished snorting coke off of Conan's massive, fire-colored hard-on. I really have no pity for any of them. None of them need it. So, don't expect me to shed any tears over a guy who owns 250 automobiles, I'm just saying. He's the nicest rich person I've seen on television, I think he'll be fine.

In other news, do something to make a difference. Donate.

http://www.redcross.org/

I can't wait for 2010. I tend to complain a lot about 2009 but I guess it wasn't that bad. I do, however, have a couple of hangups that I want to get rid of before the clock strikes twelve. Does anyone else out there feel the same?

My friend Tim didn't believe in New Years Resolutions. He said resolutions should be made in general. I totally agree, but New Years is a good point as any to start. I had Halloween Resolutions, but I forgot what they were. Then I had a Christmas Resolution to not spend all my Christmas money before New Years. So far, I'm successful. But just barely. I hope your resolutions go well in 2010! I'm shooting to gain some weight by working out. I might buy a longboard and a surf rack for my bike so I can get that ripped bod I always wanted.

2010 is the Year of the Tiger, bitches! So a shout out to all my Tiger people. I know Chinese New Years isn't for another month but why not? I'm just happy to have lived this long. I had a couple of friends die this year, so that really makes me appreciate my life. Plus I'm in Hawaii! One of the most beautiful places in the world! There's no need to get all gloomy when I have sun and surf.

Well. I just want to wish everyone the best this year. Be safe but have fun!

~Julius

Ugly Betty's Abortion

Last night's episode of Ugly Betty had Hilda and Betty in pregnancy scares, which left me to wonder, would Betty Suarez ever get the Big A? I think she would. But ABC would never have the balls to send Betty to Planned Parenthood. It's just not funny. Which leads me to this post's thesis: lots of laughs can come from pregnancy, not so much from abortion.

With movies like Knocked Up and Juno, Americans have become used to accidental baby shenanigans but early termination, on the other hand, just doesn't crack us up. So Betty's producers impregnated Hilda instead. They've already dumped dimply Archie and replaced him with baby-daddy DILF Bobby, so you know that embryo ain't getting the vacuum hose anytime soon.

Personally, I am pro-choice. And pro-funny. South Park is probably the only series that will go there (i.e. Christopher Reeves sucking the spinal fluid out of aborted fetuses for their stem cells), but as long as mainstream America keeps a scarlet letter on the topic, women's rights will always come second to social norms.